Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7..
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve ball. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.". Drinks for the ten men would now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men? The paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by a higher percentage the poorer he was, to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using, and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.

And so the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% saving).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% saving).
The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% saving).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% saving).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% saving).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% saving).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings.

"I only got a dollar out of the $20 saving," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,"but he got $10!"
"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar too. It's unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!"

"That's true!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back, when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison, "we didn't get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!" The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our tax system works. The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

Vandaag 50 geworden en vond een toepasselijke taart.

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary
surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet
pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's
chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and
sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has
passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the
vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean
you haven't done any testing on him or anything.
He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the
room. He returned a few minutes later with a black
Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the
duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the
vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out
of the room. A few minutes later he returned with
a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately
sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back
on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry,
but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably,
a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys
and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!"
she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my
word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the
Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa,
and summons him to the IRS office.

The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said:Well,sir,you have an extravagant
lifestyle and no full-time employment,which you
explain by saying that you win money gambling.
I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.

I'm a great gambler,and I can prove it:says Grandpa
How about a demonstration?

The auditor thinks for a moment and said:Okay,Go ahead.

Grandpa says:I'll bet you a thousand dollars that
I can bite my own eye.

The auditor thinks a moment and says:It's a bet.

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says:Now,I'll bet you two thousand dollars
that I can bite my other eye.

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind
so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered
and lost three grand,with Grandpa's attorney as
a witness.He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?'Grandpa asks..
I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand
on one side of your desk,and pee into that
wastebasket on the other side,and never
get a drop anywhere in between.

The auditor,twice burned,is cautious now,but he
looks carefully and decides there's no way this
old guy could possibly manage that stunt,so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants
but although he strains mightily,he can't make the
stream reach the wastebasket on the other side,so he
pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy,realizing that he has just
turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his
head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really: says the attorney.This morning,when
Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit he
bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could
come in here and p155 all over your desk and
that you'd be happy about it!...

Don't Mess with Old People!!