Geloof en commercie...

wie is de bram !!!!!!


Rond sluitingstijd staat een agent bij een café te wachten, om te
zien of hij nog wat mensen kan betrappen die met een slok of twee
teveel op achter het stuur willen kruipen.
Op een gegeven moment strompelt er een vent zo blauw als een
balletje en stom lazerus de kroeg uit, struikelt over de drempel,
schopt de kat, hangt enige tijd aan een paal, zwalkt dan rond over
de parkeerplaats, probeert zijn sleutel op 5 verschillende auto's
uit in alle gaatjes vooraleer hij zijn eigen auto gevonden heeft
en is nog zeker 10 minuten bezig om zijn sleutel in het deurslot te
krijgen.
Alle overige bezopen bezoekers zijn intussen al lang en breed
zwalkend vertrokken, maar de agent heeft enkel oog voor deze ene
dronkelap. Eindelijk lukt het hem om in de auto te komen.
Als hij uiteindelijk al startend, hortend en stotend met de auto
wil wegrijden, laat de agent de bestuurder stoppen om een blaastest
te ondergaan
Zelfs na meerdere pogingen en andere batterijen geeft het apparaat
nog steeds 0,0 promille aan.
De agent vraagt stom verbaasd aan de man hoe dat in hemelsnaam
mogelijk is, waarop de man antwoordt: "Vanavond was ik Bram".
Agent: "Bram??????"


Man: "Bewust Rijdende Afleidings Manoeuvre ."

concentratietest voor mannen....even goed je best doen

http://www.ibogleif.dk/de/index.html

http://www.porscheforum.nl/viewtopic.php?t=2783

Gewoon tot en met de beschrijving hetzelfde

hahaha....je hebt helemaal gelijk...de eerste keer al niet eens het balletje kunnen raden

hoezo HET balletje, ik had ze ALLEBEI meteen gespot

Hier krijg ik er 3 per dag van............SPAM


Jokes of the day
A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the plane and sat down in first class. A few minutes later, a flight attendent came up to her and told her that her ticket was for coach and she had to move from the seat. She refused. The flight attendent was persistant, but the blonde replied, "No, I want to sit here, I've always wanted to see what it is like in first class." The flight attendent was getting frustrated. Finally, after quite some time, she convinced her to move. Another passenger who had witnessed the exchange asked the attendent, "How did you get her to move?" The flight attendent replied, "I told her first class doesn't stop in Detroit."

Joke 2 - It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her dad's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard, she would wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck. Sure enough, a snow plow soon passed by, and she started to follow it. After quite sometime had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right, as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her dad's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was OK with him, and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Target next.

Joke 3 - John and Marsha decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. A few moments passed. "An ambulance just drove by." A few more moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike." "The Coopers are having sex." Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know they're having sex?" "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too."

Als dit jouw SPAM is, wil ik die graag ruilen met mijn spam over creditcards, hypotheken, diploma's van grote universiteiten, prescription drugs, viagra en zielige koningszonen uit donker afrika die $ 100.000.000 van een rekening willen halen maar daar wel mijn hulp voor nodig hebben... doe mij dan maar die 3 moppen per dag

Vandaag kreeg ik 4 spammetjes



An elderly gentleman of 85 feared his wife was getting hard of hearing. So one day he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the state of her problem. "Here's what you do," said the doctor, "start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response." That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for supper?" No response. So the husband moved to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for supper?" Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for supper?" Again he gets no response so he walks up to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?" Again there is no response, so he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?" "Damn it Earl, for the fourth time, CHICKEN!"


Dit is een leuke.

An older Jewish man married a younger woman. After several months, the young woman complained that she had never climaxed during sex and by birthright, all Jewish women are entitled to at least one climax during sex. So they went to see the rabbi. The rabbi tells them to get a young, strong, virile young man to wave a towel over them while they are having sex. This, the rabbi says, will cause the woman to climax, so the couple tries it. After several attempts, still no climax. They go back to the rabbi. The rabbi says for the bride to change partners and have the virile young man have sex with her and have the husband wave the towel. They try it that night and the young woman goes into wild, screaming earsplitting climaxes, one after the other. When it is over, the husband smugly looks down at the young man and says, "You see, schmuck, THAT's how you wave a towel!"


A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She bundled him in the closet stark naked. The husband however became suspicious, and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him. "I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone." "What are you doing in there?" "I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths." "And where are your clothes?" asked the husband. The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards!"


A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little amused, explains to the woman that they don't sell rectum deodorant and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." "But I always get it here," the blonde protests. "Do you have the container it came in?" asks the pharmacist. "YES!" says the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who examines it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads aloud from the container, "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM!"




Afwachten wat ik morgen krijg.............

heb weer ene, vergeet je geluid niet aan te zetten...

http://users.pandora.be/stefdirrix/flash/queen.htm

enkele taallessen :

LES 1 : FRANS

> Dat is om uw kas op te fretten.
>
> Ça c'est pour bouffer son armoire.
>

> De auto's snorren door de straten.
>
> Les autos moustachent dans les rues.
>
>
> Echtgenoot.
>
> Vraiment profité.
>
>
> Een doodlopende straat.
>
> Une rue coulant mort.
>
>
> Het ligt aan mij.
>
> Cela couche à moi.
>
>
> Iemand om zeep brengen.
>
> Porter quelqu'un de savon.
>
>
> Ik hang de gek uit.
>
> Je pends l'imbécile dehors.
>
>
> Ik heb er geen zin meer in.
>
> Je n'ai plus de phrase
>
>
> Kamerjas
>
> Chambre manteau.
>
>
> Rond half acht.
>
> Autour demi huit.
>

> Ondergoed.
>
> Sous bien.
>
>
> 't Is om zeep.
>
> C'est pour savon
>
>
> Uurwerk
>
> Travail heure.
>
>
> We gaan ne gang
>
> Nous allons un corridor.
>
>

> LES 2 : ENGELS
>
>
> He had a careful mother.
>
> Hij had een kar vol modder.
>
>
> The bad man made his breakfast.
>
> De badman maakte zijn broek vast
>
>
> The play is not fair.
>
> De plee is niet ver.
>
>
> LES 3 : NEDERLANDS
>
>
> Combinatie:
>
> land met veel politievoertuigen
>
>
> Beschutten:
>
> dialect voor droge koeken.
>
>
> Gifgas:
>
> als het licht op groen springt
>
>
> Minnekozen:
>
> West-Vlaams voor mijn neef.
>

> Onderscheid:
>
> toeristenziekte
>
> Rijkdom:
>
> financieel sterk blondje
>
> Verzuipen:
>
> drinken in het buitenland
>

> LES 4 : CHINEES :
>
>
> Stupid Man.
>
> Dum Gai

> Small Horse.
>
> Tai Ni Po Ni
>
> I think you need a facelift.
>
> Chin Tu Fat
>
> I am not guilty.
>
> Wai Hang Mi
>
> We have a problem?
>
> Sum Ting Wong?

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/badgers.html

geluid aan en afkijken








(ik ben niet aansprakelijk als melodie in je hoofd blijft )

maar je bent wel aansprakelijk voor het feit dat ik 2 minuten van mijn tijd verloren heb
okee, we zullen het niet berekenen....

volgens mij komt er geen eind aan....






of toch wel

ach, laat mij het nog maar eens proberen:

Een Nederlander, Duitser en Belg zitten in de kroeg en
zitten wat te klagen over hun vrouwen, je kent dat wel.

Zegt de Belg: 'die vrouw van mij heeft zich zojuist een nieuwe keuken
besteld en dat terwijl ze helemaal niet kan koken'.

Zegt de Duitser: 'dass ist noch nichts, meine Frau hat sich gerade ein
brandneuer Mercedes gekauft und sie kann garnich richtig autofahren'.

'Wel' :zegt de Hollander ... 'mijn frouw gaat folgende week alleen op
fakantie en neimt een hele doos condooms mee en weet je wat? : ze heeft
geeneens een piemel..

wat denk je zelf

hier weer de Jokes


One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George. The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Bush took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said: "OK, Monica, you're free to go."





JOKE OF THE DAY

From the WordPerfect Help Desk
This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
".......Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

wie lost deze op, zooitje moet naar de overkant
kikkerdeklik

Na 30 keer proberen is het nog niet gelukt !
hoe krijg je die kikkers aan de overkant ?

zwaar frusterend (na 5 min )

Bij de 2e keer gelukt!

Misschien zijn jullie te intelligent en moet je gewoon de beperkte hersencapaciteit van een kikker hebben

yeeessssss
k wilde echt nie achterblijven

Nee hoor, 1e keer gelukt. Simpel nadenken...



Horn - die eerder deze avond een testje op TV maakte....
(dus wellicht vandaar geen moeite had met die kikkers... )

Je weet wat ze zeggen over hoogbegaafde mensen toch?

blubblub... huh? zit extreem dicht tegen gek aan, de laatste keer dat ik het checkte....